tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557215651635507152024-03-13T11:29:06.221-07:00That GodWritings of a Young Adult Friend as she seeks to be faithful and to love fully.Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-21969386775419036902008-11-30T20:00:00.000-08:002008-11-30T21:11:38.240-08:00Balancing Identity and IntegrityIdentity is a tricky thing. I’ve often struggled with feeling like I have many different identities – why can’t I just have one, all-encompassing <span style="font-style: italic;">me </span>identity? How are identity and integrity related?<br /><br />Let me begin this post with a list of ‘identities’ with which I associate. I am (in no particular order) a Quaker, a chemist, a daughter, a sister, a student, spiritual, an ice hockey player, a young adult, queer, female. Several of these items could have many different meanings. What kind of Quaker am I? What do I mean by spiritual? What kind of chemist am I, and on what level? Do I mean queer as in strange, or as in something other than heterosexual? However I define each of these terms right now, many of my definitions may change by the time tomorrow rolls around. Labels are tricky like that.<br /><br />It is so easy for us as humans to pick one label that strikes us and put it on someone, and to see everything that person does and says through that one label. As I said a moment ago, labels are tricky. We easily forget that one label represents (or attempts to represent) something that is often layered and changing, and doesn’t include all the other facets of a whole human being. Placing labels on each other in this way ‘otherizes’ and disconnects us from each other. We must strive to put labels aside and see the <span style="font-style: italic;">whole </span>person. We are all in this world together, however we identify.<br /><br />Many of us at times hide one or many parts of our identity from others. Sometimes it is out of convenience, sometimes it is out of concern for safety, sometimes it is because we fear the judgment of another. I think it is safe to say that everyone has at one point or another hidden a piece of themselves for one of these reasons, even if for some that piece was very small. Where does our integrity come into play? How can we balance honesty and safety? How can we work for change if we don’t step into uncomfortable, possibly dangerous places to take a stand for who we are? Early Quakers did this all the time. If Friends were persecuted in one area, more Friends flocked there to stand witness, as Friends. This showed a great commitment to integrity, and was also dangerous. Mary Dyer, for example, was hanged on Boston Common for refusing to leave Massachusetts and for refusing to change when she was exiled for being a Quaker. She didn’t hide who she was or what she believed in, nor did she run from judgment or danger to the point of being executed. Would that I had such integrity.<br /><br />I identify as queer (or gay in a very general sense of the word). This label represents (or attempts to represent) something that I find to be layered and changing. I have often hidden this identity from others out of convenience, and out of fear of judgment. I feel compelled by my sense of integrity to be more open about this large part of myself. I struggle because I feel that by claiming this identity I am in some ways separating myself from some people, and that is the opposite of what I mean to do. I feel as though I must stand up for who I am so that I may more fully connect with others, so that I may work toward bridging that separation so that it is no longer inevitable. This is hard. Sometimes it is easier to hide.<br /><br />I invite you, whoever you are, to join me. Be uncomfortably honest the next time you find yourself wanting to hide a part of yourself. It could be something small, it could be life-changing. You may be surprised by what happens.<br /><br />(Props to those of you who already practice this. Keep up the good work.)<br /><br />much love,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-31885486982355723262008-08-02T17:15:00.000-07:002008-08-02T17:22:36.494-07:00Allowing the Space<p class="MsoNormal">Stop fighting.<br /><br />This is the message I heard when I was at the YAF gathering in <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Richmond</st1:city>, <st1:state st="on">IN</st1:state></st1:place> this past May. It was not a message intended for anyone but myself, and I knew instinctually what it was referring to: I needed to stop fighting within myself.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Over the past few months, prior to this gathering, I had fallen once again into a spiral of doubts about God. What if everything is predetermined and all we are are molecules bumping into each other in some incredibly complicated series of reactions? How could I claim to believe in some higher “being”, when more and more I learn about neuroscience, about how all our experiences are just a bunch of neurons firing in some specific way? Holding these doubts and trying to remember my experiences, I was fighting for God. I wanted to find a reason to believe, some way of explaining everything so that my skeptical, scientific thoughts would calm down and not torment me so much, and over and over again I have gotten lost. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>But this, as I slowly come to realize each time I go through it, is not the right question. Stop fighting, God said. I believe it a little more each time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I often find myself wanting to be more spiritual, particularly on a daily basis. I think about how I should try to implement some system where I have silent time every day, or time for some spiritual reading, and then I judge myself when I fail utterly to do this. I have preconceived ideas about what being more spiritual should look like. This leaves no room for what it <i style="">does</i> look like.</p><p class="MsoNormal">It is hard to say, “Ok, God, I won’t actively try to pray every day because it’s clearly not working for me” without feeling like I’m giving up or not trying hard enough. But that’s just the problem: I’ve been <i style="">trying</i> too hard. I’ve not been leaving space for <i style="">God</i>. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Last summer I was at a gathering in Barnesville OH. I felt incredibly unfocused on the first couple of days. Come Sunday morning I wanted desperately to be present and focused. I tried for a good while to will myself into a grounded place. Finally, with frustration, I did what I thought was giving up. I said to myself, “Fine. I’ll just <i style="">wait</i>.” I felt like a defiant child. (It’s funny to note now how meeting is often described as a time to <i style="">wait</i> upon God’s word.) A little while later someone gave a message which struck me deeply, and after sorting through some things within myself, I felt grounded the entire rest of the week. When I put down my own will, my own expectation, I made space for that grounded-ness.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now, having spent a few months tenderly trying to let go of my expectations of myself, of what spirituality is and means, and what God could be in terms of science, I find a deeper spirituality slowly creeping in. Earlier this week before having a difficult conversation with someone, I found myself praying that my words come from a place of love and not fear, genuinely turning to God for guidance without worrying about what God is, or about what prayer is. I prayed without congratulating myself for finally praying. I was just doing what felt right to me: asking for help in a time of concern, when I felt lost.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I am finally beginning to have space for God in my life, now that I’m not trying so hard to squeeze God in where I think God might fit best. I’m learning to stop fighting, to stop trying to define my experiences with one specific way of thinking. I’m learning to stop trying to <i style="">will</i> myself into some mold that I think is appropriate, and I'm learning to stop judging myself so harshly about all of it.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As for God, for me it’s not about belief. It’s not about whether or not some higher entity exists in some definable way<i style="">.</i> God, for me, is about experiencing life, about letting go, and about finding ways to let love move through me. God is my lack of control, my compassion. God is the whole where I am a piece. God is knowing that we are all imperfect, and that it’s ok.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Much love to all,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-40315171260256616062008-07-27T12:48:00.000-07:002008-07-27T14:46:36.866-07:00After Being Robbed: Violation, Love, and Pain<p class="MsoNormal">Friends, what is the proper response to having been robbed? This summer while I was away at FGC Gathering I was robbed twice in the same day, each incident completely independent of the other.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>On Tuesday of FGC Gathering I was off campus with the entire high school program on our Out Trip at a nearby state park. While there, I got a text message from one of my roommates back in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Boston</st1:place></st1:City> (where I was subletting for the summer) saying that I should call her back ASAP. She told me over the phone that earlier that day our apartment had been broken into. Mainly electronic things had been stolen – such as laptops and TVs – and she asked if I knew of anything of mine that might have been taken. Thankfully, I had left my computer in the lab at school where I’m working this summer, and own no TV to be stolen. I would have to see when I got back if they had taken my speakers, or anything else I couldn’t think of in the moment. But I was not so concerned with material losses. My personal living space and my sense of security had been violated. It made my skin crawl.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Over the course of the evening after we’d returned from the Out Trip, some of the high school participants noticed that their ipod and/or cash was missing from their rooms. Our dorm and many of the rooms in it had been unlocked while we were gone that afternoon, and we eventually put two and two together: someone came and stole things while we were out. That night I returned to my room to discover my own ipod missing. Strike two.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">If I could have chosen to be anywhere on a day like that, it would have been right where I was: part of one of the most loving and supportive communities I have ever been a part of. Also, the thefts at the Gathering prompted a lot of consideration about robbery and how to respond to it. At the HS Program’s Wednesday night Meeting for Business there was some space for participants to process what had happened. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Some declared that whoever took their stuff probably needed it more, and that they give it up gladly – material things aren’t really important anyway. Some said that if this person (or people) needed money, they would have gladly given some if they had just asked. Others expressed their decision to continue leaving their door unlocked as a sign of trust. All of these responses are valid and noble, and many of the messages were quite moving. However, the sense of violation was also acknowledged, and that the decision to lock the door was a valid response, too.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">After awhile, during the meeting, the clerks called for the community to settle for a little bit, and to hold those who had lost stuff in the light, as well as the whole community. Someone quickly added that we should also hold whoever stole things in the light as well. Of course. I began to think about how I could connect this particular response with the robbery back in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Boston</st1:place></st1:City>.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">One of the main themes of the week for the staff of the HS Program is how to be a loving and safe container for the participants. During staff orientation, as well as during our staff meetings through out the week, we talk in depth about what is the most loving thing to do when someone breaks a guideline. Usually those who get into the most trouble are those who are in particular need of love, and the most loving thing to do is be clear about where the line is, especially when they’ve crossed it. Confrontation is a dialogue, and comes from a place of love.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">What about people in a non-Gathering, non-Quaker setting? When they break the law or cross a line, they are in need of love and support just as much as participants in the High School Program at FGC Gathering. How do I extend love to a stranger who has violated my space and security, who has caused me strife, and who I will never meet? How do I acknowledge this person (or people)’s need for support without pitying them, without feeling holier-than-thou pride for extending love in such a situation, and without invalidating my own pain? I still don’t know, but I definitely moved out of that apartment as fast as I could.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">When I got back from Gathering I discovered that the only thing I lost was a bag of quarters I’d been saving to do laundry. A couple of the roommates told me that they’re pretty sure it was the neighbors downstairs who were the culprits, based on how they got in and some events that had happened in the past. I don’t know what the police think, and I don’t expect to ever know for sure.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It would have been noble to stay and say that I don’t care about my material possessions, that those in greater need were free to take them if they were that desperate. Perhaps someone else would have been able to stay, willingly sacrificing their sense of safety as a witness to the greater need of others, but that wasn’t something I was ready to do, nor did I feel called to it.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As it turns out, it was a blessing for me to have an opportunity to move out.<o:p> Way opened.<br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Before I end this post I’ll ask my question once again: <span style="font-style: italic;">How do I acknowledge someone’s need for love and support when they have hurt me, without pitying them their desperation, without holier-than-thou pride, and without invalidating my own pain?</span><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I still don’t have any answers, but asking the question is a good first step.<o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Love and Light,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com73tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-4722997840903756012008-01-12T16:31:00.000-08:002008-01-12T16:34:51.144-08:00Faith and Trust<p class="MsoNormal">It has been many months since I have posted here. In those months I have been letting go of my need to define my spirituality, to define God. As is evidenced in earlier posts of mine, this past summer I spent a great deal of time and energy trying to determine what I meant by ‘God’ and how that did not contradict science. I also have spent a great deal of time and energy trying to determine the meaning of Jesus and trying to figure out both what it means to be a Christian, and whether or not I am a Christian.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Despite the time and energy I invested in the search for answers, I eventually realized that whether or not I had these answers, I continued to behave in the same ways, to live my faith regardless of the words and definitions I tried to squeeze it into.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Today I am beginning to accept that God is something I will never be able to describe. My faith is not about answers to specific questions or about my ability to fully articulate all of my experiences. My faith is not about the language I use or the labels I claim. It is about living and loving, trusting and growing. My faith is built on experience and love.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I have noticed that sometimes I’ll use words like “the world” or “life” where I have in the past sometimes used “God”. Such as “I’m learning to trust the world more,” or I’ll speak about the challenges “life” has thrown at me. In either case I could just have easily spoken of trusting God more, or of challenges God has thrown at me, and for me, the meaning is the same. What is most important is not who or what I trust, but <i style="">that</i> I trust.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I trust that no matter what happens in my life, I will be ok – even if the kind of ‘ok’ I am doesn’t look like what I expect it to. I have faith that when I do what I know is right there are impacts beyond what I will ever see or comprehend, even if I don’t see any positive impact myself. I have faith that I am a valid, legitimate person whose feelings are real, and that this is true for every human no matter what. I trust that if my world falls apart I can and will pull through, even if I can’t see how.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Whether or not I know what ‘God’ is or if anything tangible exists that can be called ‘God’, I can still learn to let go, I can still trust, I can still have faith, I can still know the power of grace and love, relying on what I know to be true from my experience: “This I know experimentally.”</p>much love to all,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-5311199473983399032007-09-28T18:39:00.000-07:002007-09-28T18:41:13.252-07:00Being in Meeting<p class="MsoNormal">I used to stress about whether or not Friends were “doing it right” in Meeting for Worship. How can we have a good, legitimate Meeting for Worship if half the Friends gathered think that this is individual meditation, or don’t understand how we’re trying to listen to God, or think that reading a prepared poem is appropriate? I was also frustrated with myself for being so judgmental, but it was still a concern I got stuck on. I realized recently that this is no longer a big issue for me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>A little over a year ago I began attending a new Friends Meeting regularly. At the same time I was in the midst of intense grief for my brother who had died a few months prior, and was dealing a whole slew of struggles that came with that grief. I felt spiritually disconnected, and had no energy to give God any serious, conscious consideration. Yet I still went to Meeting.<br /><o:p></o:p><br />Each First Day I got on the 9am bus in order to get to 10:30 worship in the city, no matter how late I was up the night before. Having no spiritual focus, I would sit in meeting and spend the whole time doing something quite other than worship – I would stare into space, focus only on staying awake, or silently cry with my grief. Many First Days those first few months I would leave without talking to anyone. Even those days when I arrived, spaced out, and then left were worth the trek. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">I wondered about this for some time; if Meeting for Worship was meaningful without me being able to Worship, there must be something more to it. This year, as I continue to catch that same 9am bus every First Day, this Meeting feels like home to me. Friends there recognize me, are excited to see me, and I find myself engaged in conversation with more and more regular attenders. What I’ve found is that even during those months of no focus and little fellowship, I had slowly been building a relationship with the community, just by being consistently present.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I was speaking to a friend of mine about this last month and she mentioned something else that I find striking. She said that I had been practicing just being. It’s true. If nothing else, when I had no focus, I was just <i style="">being</i>, nothing else, and it was a good practice.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Now when I sit in Meeting for Worship I often marvel at how we are all sitting together, just <i style="">being</i>. Being <i style="">together</i>. I no longer worry if people are focused or are “doing it right”, because that’s not as important as our waiting together, being together, and building community together, one moment at a time. God is with us and among us, no matter what.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Much love to all,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-38856642618273184902007-09-09T18:05:00.000-07:002007-09-09T18:18:41.776-07:00Epistle from YAFs at Olney, 2007<span style="font-style: italic;">A brief note: </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The following epistle was originally written in Sixth Month, but took until recently to be revised and approved. With that, I present the epistle.</span><br /><br />Epistle from YAF at Olney, 2007<br /><br />Sixth month, 2007.<br /><br />To Friends everywhere,<br /><br />Greetings from the young adult Friends who gathered at Olney Friends School in Barnesville, Ohio, where 80 Friends from across the US and Canada came together for a reunion of the Young Friends of North America (YFNA) and an intergenerational Quaker Camp. Seventeen young adult Friends participated in this week of deep worship, fellowship, and play. Older Friends shared deeply about how their personal and spiritual experiences were influenced by the community of YFNA. As younger Friends, we listened and shared about our experiences living our faith. <br /><br />Through the whole week, many Friends felt the power of the Spirit in the very land that held us. Young adult Friends joined both with our hosts and our fellow guests in spiritual vulnerability to teach by learning, and to learn by teaching. From the YFNA reunion, we got a great sense of the power and joy that comes from speaking truthfully about our experience of Quakerism with as any Friends as possible and the many dangers and mistakes that are possible while doing so without great care. By engaging with Friends from Ohio Yearly Meeting (Conservative), we gained a greater sense of the depth of our tradition, not only of our ancestors but also of the power of the Christian roots from which we come.<br /><br />Over the course of the week, the young adult Friends present felt a clear leading to create an organization in which young adult Friends from across North America can build spiritual community together. We spent a lot of time discerning how to move forward with this leading, with the care that is necessary to bring Friends together across theological divides into a diverse community of Quaker youth.<br /><br />We struggled through in deep discernment, praying for way to open for us to begin this work. We each wrestled with individual discernment of our own leadings and also felt the pressure of our own deep want for this dream to become a reality. We have felt keenly the absence of a true diversity of Friends with us here, and feel much caution at the idea of moving forward without all branches of Quakerism involved.<br /><br />At the recommendation of the Visioning Committee (which met in Fourth Month, 2007), we are forming a Naming Committee (to be in consultation with the Visioning Committee), which would then form a Steering Committee. The Naming Committee, while not formed in its entirety yet, will meet in the fall of 2007 to name the Steering Committee. The Steering Committee will be active by First Month, 2008. This Steering Committee will include representation from the various branches of the Religious Society of Friends. <span style="font-style: italic;">We are asking young </span><span style="font-style: italic;">adult Friends from all branches throughout North America to discern deeply </span><span style="font-style: italic;">and come forward if they are being led to do this work or have names they </span><span style="font-style: italic;">would like to offer the Naming Committee for discernment. Please email </span><span style="font-style: italic;">suggestions to Andrew Esser-Haines at esseran@earlham.edu</span>.<br /><br />During the discernment, Friends present felt a strong leading to a coordinated intervisitation among yearly meetings, by young adult Friends in the summer of 2008, from which they could spread the word of the new young adult Friends’ organization. This event sprang from many individual Friends’ leadings to engage in intervisitation among Friends. Many of those Friends present in Barnesville expressed that they will begin to engage in the work of intervisitation personally once home. Friends also discerned that the next major North American gathering of this generation of young adult Friends would take place during the summer of 2009. Until the Steering Committee is active, a working group will begin arranging some of the logistics for the coming events. Those who feel led to join the working group are encouraged to contact Nathan Sebens at <nathansebens@yahoo.com>nathansebens@yahoo.com.<br /><br />Simultaneously, we experienced a process of discovering ourselves and each other. When we needed clarity, we found it in the vocal ministry of older adult Friends in worship. When we felt frustration with the pace of our progress, we recognized in this a need for deeper worship and found courage in taking small steps.<br /><br />And so, we wait upon God. We trust that those who are led to do this exciting work will come forward, and that God will provide all that we need to engage fully with this work. We give deep thanks for the depth and breadth of the Spirit, which was powerfully felt during our week in Barnesville.<br /><br />Faith-fully,<br /><br /></nathansebens@yahoo.com><div style="text-align: justify;">Eric Armstrong, Micah Bales, Lauren Baumann,<br />Betsy Blake, Nate Blood-Patterson, Andrew Esser-Haines,<br />Mike Goren, Alex Haines, Becka Haines Rosenberg,<br />Frederick Martin, Erin McDougall, Elizabeth Piersol Schmidt,<br />Ruth Raffensperger, Claire Reddy, Nathan Sebens,<br />Emily Stewart, Gavin White<br /></div>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-47435980528125931592007-08-25T11:30:00.000-07:002007-08-25T12:11:57.160-07:00Beyond Science<p class="MsoNormal">I recently started reading the book <i style="">The Battle for God: A History of Fundamentalism</i>, by Karen Armstrong. I haven’t yet gotten very far in it, but I am struck by ideas she presents just in the introduction. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">“To ask whether the Exodus from <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Egypt</st1:country-region></st1:place> took place exactly as recounted in the Bible or to demand historical and scientific evidence to prove that it is factually true is to mistake the nature and purpose of this story. It is to confuse <i style="">mythos</i> with <i style="">logos</i>.” (p. xvi)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Mythos</i> or myth is about true meaning found in stories – particularly religious stories – and is not concerned with practical, rational, scientific facts. <i style="">Logos</i>, then, <i style="">is</i> concerned with all that is practical, rational, and scientific. Karen talks about how before the Modern Age, people did not mix these up, that to even ask whether a story (reserved to the realm of <i style="">mythos</i>) actually happened was to try to apply scientific thought (<i style="">logos</i>) to that which was beyond science, to that which has meaning <i style="">regardless</i> of science.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“By the eighteenth century, however, the people of Europe and America had achieved such astonishing success in science and technology that they began to think that <i style="">logos</i> was the only means to truth and began to discount <i style="">mythos</i> as false and superstitious. … Our religious experience in the modern world has changed, and because an increasing number of people regard scientific rationalism alone as true, they have often tried to turn the <i style="">mythos</i> of their faith into <i style="">logos</i>.” (p. xvii and xviii)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This sounds all too familiar to me. In fact, this is almost exactly what I have been struggling with, especially as a scientist. Take, for example, my struggle with the story of Jesus and the idea of Christ. I have gotten lost in literal interpretations that contradict (or potentially contradict) my experience of science. The scientist in me vehemently rejects such contradictions and I have found myself searching for analogical meaning, trying to translate the literal interpretations into something that has meaning for me. Instead of getting lost in literal interpretations, I need to go back to the original story of the life and teachings of Jesus, and find the meaning there – and I do indeed find great meaning there. I need not worry about whether it actually happened.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This idea is not new to me, but to find it so well articulated and to find the beginning of a historical explanation for how we got here today to this almost overly rational and scientific way of approaching the world has brought new clarity for me. I am feeling released from my need to rationalize these stories. I feel like I can read and learn from the Bible, I can begin to speak of Christ, and I can understand better the idea of Jesus working in people’s lives (even in my own life!) without the scientist in me raising alarm and challenging me to examine my integrity. It is neither in line with nor contradictory to science, because it is <i style="">beyond</i> science.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wow.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Much love to all,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-5926280837980030922007-08-16T12:28:00.000-07:002007-08-16T12:51:26.792-07:00FUM +/- NEYM, Some QueriesI've been seeing a lot of discussion in the blog-o-sphere regarding FUM policies, and in particular, since New England Yearly Meeting annual sessions the other week, discussion regarding NEYM's relationship to FUM. I am not technically a member of NEYM, but sojourn unofficially in an NEYM meeting and am connected to a number of NEYM Friends, and find this issue close to my heart.<br /><br />After reading a <a href="http://quakerpagan.blogspot.com/2007/08/coming-home-to-neym-peter.html">post by Peter</a> over on Quaker Pagan Reflections and many comments to it, I felt the need to lift up a few queries, but realized that they would do better in their own post rather than merely a comment to a post<br /><br />At the moment, I am not interested in stating my own position on whether or not NEYM should remain affiliated with FUM (though it may come up later or elsewhere). What I do feel led to do is lift up a few queries to facilitate further dialog on this issue, whether here on blogs, or in person elsewhere. First I'd like to very, very briefly name the main concerns that I continue to hear.<br /><br />+There are Friends who feel that remaining affiliated with and continuing to contribute financially to FUM condones the current FUM personnel policy that discriminates against those who are LGBTQ[etc.]. (<span style="font-style: italic;">For those who are not aware: The FUM personnel policy, as I understand it, states that all FUM personnel are to refrain from all sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and a woman.</span>) These Friends tend to feel that NEYM should stop supporting FUM and should dis-affiliate as a witness against such a policy and to show support of LGBTQ[etc.] Friends.<br /><br />+There are also Friends who feel that leaving FUM is not the solution, that NEYM should find other ways to stand witness against the discrimination of this policy as a contributing affiliate of FUM, such as intervisitation among other FUM yearly meetings to share where NEYM stands.<br /><br />I realize that these summaries are a bit over-simplified, and that there are much more in-depth arguments in support of and against each of these positions. I did not want to include absolutely everything I've read or heard, but rather wanted give the most basic of summaries to give more context to the queries. Friends are invited to correct me or make clarifications if I am in error or have left out something important.<br /><br />Here are the queries I feel the need to lift up for consideration:<br /><br />+What does it mean to be affiliated with FUM? Does it require unity with every policy? Does it involve unity with a more general intention (and if so, what is that intention)? What are NEYM's responsibilities as an affiliate?<br /><br />+If NEYM remains affiliated with FUM, what does that mean for NEYM? Is integrity compromised? What are NEYM's responsibilities as an affiliate in disagreement with at least one main policy?<br /><br />+If NEYM dis-affiliates with FUM, what would that mean for NEYM? What are NEYM's responsibilities in continuing to stand witness to equality? Also, what would that mean for FUM? Would this mean that NEYM has no more responsibility for standing witness against FUM's personnel policy?<br /><br />+What are NEYM's priorities as a spiritual institution? Are there are other witnesses that are also important - patience, love, accountability? Are there other large issues contributing to this consideration (such as the Richmond Declaration), and what are NEYM's responsibilities to those issues?<br /><br />I hope that these queries are helpful and not too redundant.<br /><br />much love to all,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-66843454444716767892007-08-06T19:34:00.000-07:002007-08-06T19:38:55.167-07:00One More on God and ScienceIn earlier posts I have tried to articulate my sense of how science and God fit together. I have continued to struggle with this all summer, even and especially with my new experiences from the gatherings I attended. I will share some of that struggle here and where I find myself right now.<o:p><br /></o:p> <p class="MsoNormal">I have stated several times that whether or not my experiences of God can be explained by science is not important to me. As a scientist, however, I continue to find this statement alone a little too dismissive for comfort, leaving me with unaddressed doubt.</p>As a side note, in my struggles, I have observed that the times I experience the strongest doubt are the times when I have become too wrapped up in my thoughts and have forgotten my experiences, and have forgotten to <span style="font-style: italic;">listen</span>. I have also found that when a scientific explanation for something sends me into a world of doubt, it reveals to me ways that I think about God – ways that may be either distractions from, or analogies for my true, real experiences. It challenges me to face those areas of doubt, and to maintain my integrity in the face of insecurity. <p class="MsoNormal">Here is my latest thought:</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Science continues to progress into the realm of brain function. Say that one day science explains the human sense of God as a series of neurons firing in some particular area of the brain, and then goes as far as stating that this was an evolved adaptation – that the reason we have this sensation is because it was evolutionarily advantageous. Science has just given an explanation for my experiences of God. I say: So what? This explanation does not challenge the reality of my experiences – I still have them, they still have meaning – nor does it address the <i style="">existence</i> of God.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Along the same lines, some researchers are working on describing emotions as various neuron-firings in certain parts of the brain. This does not invalidate our emotions – they are still real experiences, and still have meaning.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A scientific explanation of something does not invalidate experience. My sense of God is an experiential one. Science cannot invalidate my experiences of God, and my experiences of God cannot invalidate science, and in this way science and God are not incompatible.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">There are a great many ideas (my own and others) that I have encountered in the process of figuring this out, but I do not feel the need to dive into those ideas here right now, as fascinating as some of them are. Perhaps on another day, in another post, should they choose to arise.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Love and Light,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-19535496990695974662007-07-31T20:24:00.000-07:002007-07-31T20:25:24.880-07:00Words<p class="MsoNormal">Friends, what is God?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I have been listening to various recordings of interviews, lectures, discussions, and debates (mostly in podcast form), as well as a couple sermons on God, Jesus, Religion, and science. In each of these recordings people talk about God, Christ, or Religion (yes with a capital ‘R) without first clarifying what they mean, as if it’s assumed we’re all talking about the same thing when we use these words.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I listened to more than one entire argument about the incompatibility of science and Religion or science and belief in God where I had to discern from what the arguer was saying just what he or she meant by ‘God’ or ‘Religion’, only to discover that whatever definition used was not at all what I mean when I use these words. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I listened to two beautiful sermons about following Jesus Christ where congregations were encouraged to listen for Christ in every part of their lives, to not get stuck in ruts or merely following procedure. I realized that it has taken me years to be able to understand this sort of sermon; in this preaching it is assumed that everyone knows what and who Christ is, what it means to listen deeply, what it feels like to follow God or Christ within and to feel that deep sense of being called. In my experience that first step requires openness to experiences, a struggle to understand those experiences, and a commitment to trusting what is found there. Without knowing that, all this talk is very peculiar, confusing, and even stressful – why don’t I know what this guy’s talking about?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Here we all go pretending or assuming we know what other people are talking about when they use these words and refer to certain experiences as if we all mean the same thing and are coming from the same place. No wonder we have such walls around us in this world!</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Something that I continue to learn over and over, especially recently, is the great importance of open, honest, and full communication. Friends we must be open to the different understandings of the words we use. We must clarify our own meanings without assuming those with whom we speak know what we mean right off the bat. We must not be afraid to ask others to clarify what they mean and to be open to their truths.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Granted, these are not easy things to define. I have struggled in this very blog to intellectually articulate what I mean by God. But that, Friends, in and of itself, is a clarification of what I mean. It is clear by now, I’m sure, that when I speak of God I do not mean some distant being, some old man in the sky. I have clearly avoided using gendered pronouns for God. I see God as omnipresent, in everyone, everywhere. God is what I hear and feel when I quiet my mind and my ego and listen deeply. God is that deep knowing when something is right or wrong, of when I need to act or hold more patience. These statements, while hardly a beginning of a definition of God, are much more of a clarification of my experience of God than merely using ‘God’ in a discussion or argument without any attempt at such an explanation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, Friends, tell me: What is God, in your experience? What do you mean by Christ? </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I expect that we will find more than one answer among ourselves.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>Love and Light,<br />Claire</p>Clairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-48133714832217884962007-07-26T17:37:00.000-07:002007-07-26T18:03:30.519-07:00UntitledOh how wearing it is when we engage in a raw struggle to be faithful to God! We battle with every part of ourselves and strive to hold it in the light, that we may find clarity, that we may discern what needs to change, how we can live more faithful lives with God at our center at all times. I am worn out, Friends, and find that God is even ever-present when I slow down to rest. We are where we are, and we must focus on where we are, living fully in the present. In our striving we can become carried away, too focused on the goal, too caught up in what faithfulness should look like, or what we think it looks like in other people.<br /><br />What does accountability from God look like? The answer is a life-long process.<br /><br />A message from Meeting this past First Day: maybe we are not human beings trying to live spiritual lives, but are instead spiritual beings trying to live human lives. We must realize our humanity, love it, and accept it. We are human, we are imperfect, and God is with us still, always.<br /><br />Isn't that incredible?<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-2390992551033491002007-07-21T08:43:00.000-07:002007-07-23T18:29:55.262-07:00NCYM(C) Yearly Meeting Sessions 2007<p class="MsoNormal">Before this year, I had never attended the yearly meeting sessions of NCYM(C), my home yearly meeting. To get there, I caught a ride with a two Friends from <st1:city st="on">Greensboro</st1:city>, whom I had never previously met; no one from my home meeting in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Durham</st1:place></st1:city> was planning to go until the next day, and I wanted to be there from the start. I realized on the way that I was about to show up at a gathering of Friends where I knew no one. I practiced focusing on God.<br /><br />The night before I had arrived home in the wee hours of the morning from <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Boston</st1:place></st1:city>, where I had visited friends of mine right after FGC Gathering. I was tired, and feeling some stress about entering yet another new environment with new people, and stress about keeping my focus on God through all of it. When I got to the opening Meeting for Worship held by Ministry and Oversight, I was relieved for the worship space. About half way through I opened my eyes for a few moments and noticed that in the row in front of me was a Friend from my home meeting (in NC) who had moved to the <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Boston</st1:place></st1:city> area near the same time I did. God is a clever one, indeed.<br /><br />As much as I was focusing on God, God did not keep me from feeling awkward and withdrawn around lots of people I didn't know. Despite not knowing anyone initially, as the week progressed I felt as though I had walked into a large family where I was loved like a family member just by being there. There are only 8 monthly meetings affiliated with NCYM(C), some of which are very small, so with a total of approximately 85 adults - though many of whom were visitors to our YM sessions - it felt much more like a single family community.<br /><br />This smaller size also leaves space for the wonderful tradition of the reading of the queries. Over the course of each year, each monthly meeting responds to the 12 queries in the NCYM(C) Faith and Practice, and at yearly meeting sessions these responses are worshipfully read aloud during business sessions. It was very interesting to hear where meetings had similar answers and where they differed. One elderly Friend who's been to NCYM(C) yearly meeting sessions nearly every year of her life commented that once upon a time monthly meetings gave single yes or no responses to the queries, whereas today each response tended to be at least a paragraph, if not longer.</p><br />Another highlight of the week, in my experience, was a YAF panel on the last night. Getting it together was somewhat disorganized and involved a certain amount of outward indifference, but the outcome was very important. I ended up joining the panel last minute, making a total of four of us who sat and responded to queries about growing up in the yearly meeting asked by an older Friend in front of most of the attenders of yearly meeting.<br /><br />I do not really remember the queries, exactly. What I do remember is having the opportunity to name issues that I had growing up in my home meeting, and to name things that prevent me from having conversations and relationships with older Friends. Here are some things that I remember were important for me to name while speaking on this panel:<br />-Continuity and organization are important in First Day School<br />-As a YAF, when I walk into a room of older Friends whom I do not know, I feel automatically as if I have to prove that I am a dedicated Friend, and that I do have experience in the wider community. I feel as though I don't begin on an equal playing field.<br />-Often in my experience of unprogrammed Friends, committees and projects are so desperate for younger Friends that good process is ignored. The decision to ask a young Friend to serve becomes based purely on age, without discerning where spirit is leading. This is the problem of the Token Young Friend.<br />-There are many older adult Friends I would love to have conversations with, but I am terrible at beginning them.<br />-Many Friends are so afraid of imposing anything religious on the children that they neglect to even speak of their own experiences. This leaves youth with nothing to build on, no references, and no resources. There is HUGE difference between saying "you shall believe this!" and "here's my own experience".<br /><br />As a note, I am sure that I have left off important things from this list, including a lot of other YAFs' experiences.<br /><br />Being able to name these sorts of things out loud to other Friends, older and younger, opened space for intergenerational dialog in a way I'd never before experienced. Once that was out in the open, many Friends felt much more comfortable in approaching us and beginning conversations. Unfortunately, it was the last night of yearly meeting so there was not much time for these conversations at yearly meeting, but hopefully the seeds have been planted and will grow among meetings in NCYM(C) into much stronger intergenerational communities. I hope to find a way to encourage the opening of that space in my own home meeting before I leave again for Massachusetts.<br /><br />I am so glad to have gone to NCYM(C) yearly meeting sessions this year. I feel as though it is the beginning of a stronger connection to my home yearly meeting, to my roots, and the beginning of a greater understanding of Conservative Quakerism and where I fit in the great Quaker spectrum. I hope that I will find my way back in the near future.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-26197275692894483692007-07-18T19:33:00.000-07:002007-07-18T20:17:29.346-07:00Three Weeks, Three GatheringsI think that I have been avoiding posting about my gathering experiences because I don't even know where to begin! However, reflecting upon this, it seems to me that the post immediately previous to this one is indeed a good beginning. In it I described an opening that I experienced at the beginning of my first gathering of the three I attended, which affected every single experience I had afterwards. Another part of my avoidance has been because my experiences at each of the gatherings - YFNA reunion/Quaker camp in Barnesville, OH, FGC Gathering in River Falls, WI, and NCYM(C) annual sessions in Wilmington, NC - were each intensely personal. I will try, though, to express some sense of my experiences here.<br /><br />Barnesville was amazing, intense, light-hearted, challenging, and transformative. A few sentences from my journal describing the first full day:<br /><br />"I love the smell of grass and dirt on my hands. I love lying in the grass and baking in the sun. I love campfires with the low murmur of voices around the crackling in the middle, and dimly lit faces. I love laughing uncontrollably at things that may not actually be funny, and smiling so much that my face hurts. All of this happened today."<br /><br />Grass, sun, and laughter persisted throughout the week. An intense focus on God joined those joys the next morning [see my previous post]. Beginning on First Day, there was Bible study followed by a full hour of Worship each morning. Oh that all my days would begin with an hour of corporate Worship! I felt the deep, spiritual sense of ancestors in the Stillwater meeting house. There seemed to be a layer of grounded-ness pervading the entire property, soothing, supporting, and challenging all. In the afternoons, in addition to Frisbee or some other activity, I usually took space for myself to process my new experience of God and its implications in my life, both past and present. Even when not in Meeting for Worship, I felt very much in a centered space. I tried not to stress about how this new experience and this incredible centeredness would translate when I arrived at FGC Gathering as a counselor for the High School Program, an experience that never fails to bring chaos, intensity, and exhaustion along with all the joys of participating.<br /><br />Being on FGC Gathering HS Program staff this year was chaotic, intense, painful, very challenging, and in more ways than I am able to see, fruitful. We had a very challenging year as a staff this year. I felt clearly called to be a grounded presence for the community, and took this on with all my heart. During some of our challenging worshipful times together as a staff, I found myself feeling very intensely. Several times I got to the point where my heart would start pounding and I would even begin to shake a little, but at the same time was not called to speak any message. I was called to be present in that space, and that itself was my message. I had never experienced anything like that before.<br /><br />I practiced thanking God for the pain in my life, and for empty feeling I experienced when I felt so stuck, unable to discern Way Forward. These things too are experiences of God. It is through pain that we have the opportunity to grow. It is through pain that we appreciate just how precious joy and comfort are. It is through pain that we begin to discover our own great strengths, and the kind of good work we can do in this world. I continue to thank God for my pain, past and present. It is a gift.<br /><br />Throughout both my time in Barnesville and my time at FGC Gathering, I was so grateful for fellowship with dear f/Friends of mine, new and old. I thanked God for the nurturing and support I found among Friends, and tried not to dread too much the day when we would part ways again. Such community lifts up my life and holds it so dearly and safely.<br /><br />I will end this post here and save my experience of NCYM(C) annual sessions for another post.<br /><br />much Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-3344197860499647722007-07-16T18:48:00.000-07:002007-07-16T19:44:07.351-07:00Oh GodAt the beginning of my travels three weeks ago I began to have an intense new experience of God. After Meeting for Worship First Day morning I left feeling upset and had returned to my room to let my emotions move through me. I pulled out my journal and began to write. It wasn't long before I realized that I was writing to God.<br /><br />"<span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do I follow you, God, through this pain? </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman";">You are this pain, but you are also the way through. Help me see it, oh God, help me find you here..</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman";">"</span><br /><br />I had never before addressed God so directly, nor had I ever really considered trying, but these words flowed so naturally and smoothly from my pen. I felt a sense of comfort, a sense that I was not alone, though I was in a room by myself. I then had the striking realization that I had never been alone. The implications of this experience are many and profound.<br /><br />Since that afternoon I have practiced being consciously attentive to God in every part of my day. I have practiced speaking to God, and prayers and queries have formed naturally in my mind. I I have stressed out that I will forget, I have worried that I will return to old habits once home (and I am home now), and I have practiced asking God for help and releasing my need to control. Trusting God does not mean trying to do it myself, too.<br /><br />I have continued to search for rationality and compatibility with science. God moves through science, works through science, makes science possible. I read somewhere that science is the study of God's work, and I agree, wholeheartedly. God is the meaning in everything we cannot control, and if we are faithful, God is how we make the right decisions for the few things in life we can control. My experience is my reality, and I trust it above all else.<br /><br />These past three weeks I have found myself thanking God for all my experiences, for evenings of laughter that left my stomach and face sore, was well as mornings of pain and brokenness that left my heart sore. Both joy and pain are experiences of intense love, and both are opportunities for growth and strengthening. I acknowledged God as both a comforting presence and a blank and painful emptiness. I sought out God in places of discomfort and loneliness and found myself praying to find the meaning, to find Way Forward, to have patience.<br /><br />Today I found myself focusing to a query that formed into words after I had begun acting in response: Am I patient and thoughtful in all my interactions with others? Do I strive to see that of God in each person I see during the day?<br /><br />Every single person is full of energy and incredible complexity and utter beauty, and is worthy of love and patience. It is easier to see once you strip away all preconceived notions about personalities, cultures, beliefs, and personal choices, and just see the person as a human, as a pumping heart and breathing lungs and muscles that tense and relax upon command, as a being that is full of life. I practiced seeing this in every stranger I saw, and this, to me, is the practice of seeing God in everyone.<br /><br />As new as all this is to me, I cannot hide this experience. I am called to integrity, and to stand firm in my experience of God and all that comes with it. I am only just beginning, and there is so much yet to learn.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-19336673342221865942007-06-21T21:37:00.001-07:002007-06-21T21:42:12.330-07:00Gatherings!A brief post before I disappear from the internet for a bit:<br /><br />It looks like getting into my research job has left me less time to post. Also, though, I've been having my own internal processes and struggles that haven't been ready for posting - I haven't felt any nudges to post.<br /><br />I am about to depart (after a couple hours of sleep) to go to the YFNA/WGYF reunion in Barnesville, OH for the weekend, followed by Quaker Camp (same place). From there I will be traveling to FGC Gathering where I'll be a counselor for the High School Program. Shortly after Gathering I'll then be attending NCYM(C) Yearly Meeting Sessions. It's a packed few weeks, but it will be great. Perhaps I will run into one or two of you Quaker bloggers out there.<br /><br />I am excited, but also hope that I have focus and am fully present.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-63611628580150667032007-05-30T11:37:00.001-07:002007-05-30T12:04:37.244-07:00A Clarification of Recent IntellectualismI've realized that my posts on this new blog so far have come in very intellectual words, seemingly from a very intellectual place. It's funny and humbling to notice this, because I sometimes find myself very frustrated with people who approach spirituality solely intellectually (being intellectual is not the point!!). So, given that, I thought I might clarify a little.<br /><br />I notice God everywhere. God is just under our nose - all the time! Over the past year I have learned to look for positive things when everything seems to be falling apart. In the same way, I have learned to look for God when God seems impossible or just utterly absent.<br /><br />Often when I pause for a moment, I see God in my friends, I feel God in my ability to persevere difficult times, in my joy when times are better. I see God in the sunlight and the clouds, I feel God in my pulse, in the smiles and tears of strangers and of my family. God is my life, the lives of my friends, and all the stories of pain and of love I've ever heard. God is all the love in my life, given and received, clear-cut and confusing. There is nowhere and nothing that God is not, for God is everywhere and everything.<br /><br />I can't always tap into this sense of God very easily, but I'm getting better at it. All this intellectual stuff on this blog is an attempt to articulate this sense, and to relate it to my experience of Quakerism and other people's experiences with God. I have no doubt about God.<br /><br />I feel a strong urge to come up with some intellectual description of God because I am a scientist. I am a chemist in practice and at heart. At this point in my life, chemistry is a strong calling of mine. This brings me into relationships with other scientists, many of whom are very skeptical of religion and God, or have abandoned both altogether.<br /><br />In February, shortly after attending the YAF retreat in Burlington, NJ where I found grounding I'd been without for quite sometime, I found myself having a very challenging conversation with a friend of mine who is atheist. As I tried to explain Quaker practice and my concept of God, I had to define every single term I used - even words such as 'grounded'! She asked me if I found that I had to "check science at the door" when I went to Meeting for Worship, and my response was "of course not!" If I had to check science at the door, I never would enter in the first place. Continuing in this conversation, I was challenged to explain my concept of God and how it did not contradict science, and that God was not just an explanation for things science cannot yet explain. To me, God and science are not two separate puzzle pieces to fit together covering different areas, but rather are utterly overlapping. I have yet to come up with a good analogy for how I see God and science together.<br /><br />In any case, now, when trying to articulate God in my life and what I mean when I say God, I use that conversation as a standard. "If I used these words with my atheist friend, would she understand them as I mean them? Could I explain this to a skeptic and not get written off as a nut? As a scientist, is what I am saying possible and real?" I ask these questions not for fear of being judged, but to hold myself accountable. I will not let myself believe something because it is easier to and not confront the belief head on and test it thoroughly.<br /><br />So, Friends, any fumblings I have with intellectual descriptions are not for lack of faith, nor for lack of experience. I am seeking to articulate, and I am seeking to find the right context.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-10580041474112522792007-05-29T10:49:00.001-07:002007-05-29T11:53:14.041-07:00Christ?Christ. What is Christ? Why Christ? Is Christ today distinct from the historical Jesus Christ, and how? Why would one man at one time have so much significance, and no one else, nowhere else, at no other time?<br /><br />When people speak of having a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I have a hard time translating that experience into a language I can understand. I don't believe any one time in history is any more spiritually significant than any other. Why would only people after the time of Jesus get to have this kind of relationship, and not those before his time? We here today are no more spiritually important or significant than those who lived before the time of Jesus. So Jesus Christ in this context must be symbolic.<br /><br />In terms of Christ being a Lord and/or Savior, I'm not so sure. I don't believe in the biblical definition of sin. I believe that humans make mistakes, that we cannot avoid making mistakes, and that mistakes are how we learn. To be saved from our mistakes, well, what would we learn from that? I'm not really sure where I'm going with this; perhaps I am being too literal?<br /><br />There is another way I look at the idea of Christ as someone or something with which one can have a personal relationship. I can relate to the idea of the presence of Jesus in one's life as I experience the presence of my brother in my life. My brother left an indelible mark on who I am and how I am, such that I consider him an integral part of myself. Potentially, one could become so steeped in the teachings of Christ, so involved in the spirituality of Christ, that Christ could become a presence in one's life similarly to how my brother is a presence in my life. It would certainly be a different sort of relationship than that which I have with my brother, but it's the same idea.<br /><br />In thinking about that now, though, something about it makes me a little uncomfortable. This may seem like an absurd question, but would Jesus really want that? When he was alive, he was speaking to his Jewish community at the time. Who am I to invade that sacred space? Who am I to take his teachings, already translated in various ways many times over, out of their original context to apply as I wish to my own life? Perhaps I am thinking about this the wrong way. (<span style="font-style: italic;">Is</span> there a <span style="font-style: italic;">wrong</span> way to think about this?)<br /><br />In any case, I am not well steeped in the teachings of Christ as found in the Bible, and perhaps that is where I should go now before anywhere else.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-26699854937668201352007-05-23T14:26:00.000-07:002007-05-23T18:35:01.310-07:00That God<o:p>My brother died 14 months ago. Since then, I have been through a lot of grieving pain and a lot of grieving joy and a lot of mess in between. I have striven to find meaning in the grief, in the range of emotions I have experienced, and I keep returning to one thing: God. (Wow, that sounds really corny. Bear with me.)<br /><br />When I talk about God I don't have any mainstream definition of God in mind. I've struggled for a long time with my concept of God. (I've even struggled with using the word 'God' because of all the connotations and historical baggage it carries.) What in the world is 'God'? What do I mean when I refer to God? Through all of what has happened since my brother's death and even before his death, I have come to feel my brother's presence in my life very distinctly today, and I connect his presence</o:p>, as well as all of the joy and pain I have experienced,<o:p> to what I define as my experience of God.<br /></o:p> <p class="MsoNormal">When I say that I feel the presence of my brother in my life, what do I mean? What is that? Is the experience of my brother’s presence only possible now that he has died, or is it possible to feel the presence of living people in my life though they may not be physically present? How does this relate to God?<br /></p>What do I mean by the ‘presence’ of someone in my life anyway? In the case of my brother, I feel the connection we have as siblings that we forged while growing up together, whether we saw it then or not. I feel the impact he had on my personality, on the way I do things, the way that I think. I realize that part of him lives on in me, in who I am, in how I remember him. I feel his love for me, and my love for him. My brother’s presence in my life is the ever-present, never-dying connection between us that not even death can sever. This connection transcends the physical. This type of connection exists between people who are alive, too. We have to pay attention to the impact of others on our own spirit, in our own lives. I have begun to pay more attention to the presence of people who are alive in my life, whether they are physically present or not. To me, these connections are God.<br /><br /> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>I don't see such connections (or God) as defying or contradicting science. Science explains how things happen, predicts what will happen if we do one thing or another. Science gives us the how, the intellectual why (in many cases, at least), the what, the where, the who, and the when (in appropriate circumstances). Science does not give us the <i style="">that</i>. The connection I feel to my brother may be described psychologically, may be described as an evolutionary advantage for one reason or another, may be mapped out in my brain as a series of neurons firing, sure. What concerns me is not <i style="">how </i>or scientifically <i style="">why</i> I experience the connection – it would be absurd for there to not be a scientific explanation, and physically impossible. What concerns me is <i style="">that</i> I have this connection.<br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I extend this to all other areas of my life, as well. <i style="">That</i> I feel joy, <i style="">that</i> I feel pain, <i style="">that</i> I sometimes experience a strong pull to do one thing or another – <i style="">that</i> is God. When I listen to God, I am listening to all of these <i style="">thats </i>in my life, consciously or unconsciously; I am listening for the meaning, for a coming together of my experiences into a single pull, a single leading. I cannot possibly consciously pull it all together by myself, as an individual human. The <i style="">thats</i> and their coming together is also God. God pulls it together in ways that I often do not understand, but that I know in my core are right. It is the experience of knowing that makes me trust. <span style="font-style: italic;">That</span> God, is a presence in my life.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p>These <i style="">thats</i> never go away. They are always present, always working in our lives. God is always present, always working our lives. God is inescapable in this way. What changes is our ability to listen to the experience of God, our ability to acknowledge it and follow that knowing in our core. I firmly believe that everyone experiences this God, sometimes or often unknowingly listens to and follows God. The experience of God is unavoidable. Recognizing God and listening attentively and purposefully is where we make a choice, where faith comes in.</p>This is where I am with God right now.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-555721565163550715.post-54606468933184112122007-05-23T14:15:00.000-07:002007-05-23T14:26:22.570-07:00The New Blog, ExplanationsI feel moved to create this new blog as a fresh start, after more than a year of hiatus from the Quaker blog-o-sphere. My first Quaker blog (http://quakerspeak.blogspot.com) still stands, but has been retired.<br /><br />The title of this blog, "That God", will make more sense after the next post right after this, where I attempt to articulate what I mean by "God" in the first place.<br /><br />Over the past few years I have been coming to realize more and more that to me, God is an experience, often a verb in my life. The URL of this blog comes from that, the idea of God as a verb - to God. It's humorous to think of it's actual use, "You got Godded!" or "I need to go God for awhile", for which I'm sure there could be a variety of interpretations. "God that" could also have a variety of interpretations, and I will leave it up to the reader to decide which seems most fitting. Perhaps it makes no sense at all, and that's ok too. If nothing else it is an attempt to introduce a new way of thinking about the concept of God.<br /><br />I could explain more, but I will let my posts speak for themselves, whenever they occur.<br /><br />Love and Light,<br />ClaireClairehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09444739666098556760noreply@blogger.com2